Please don't call me Poison

Akhirnya tiba waktu weby bertemu ayah bunda Raja, dua hari lalu untuk pertama kalinya, keduanya memanggil weby utk datang. Dan, hari ini Weby duduk dihadapan dua manusia baya yang ia kagumi walau tidak pernah ia temui sebelumnya, sangat weby hormati walau hanya mengenal profil mereka dari mulut Raja. Ketegasan mereka utk melarang Raja berhubungan dgn Weby, pun merupakan keputusan yg wajar dan sangat weby pahami. Mereka yakin bahwa weby bukan wanita yang tepat untuk Raja. Bahwa weby adalah perempuan yg kembali dipilih 'salah' oleh Raja, perempuan yg jg akan membuat mereka dan Raja kembali merasakan sakit seperti dulu. Rasa sakit menahun yg bahkan sampai saat ini belum bisa pulih mereka rasakan.

Terduduk tanpa kata, weby merasakan jantungnya berdegup, belum pernah weby merasakan hatinya sekecil saat ini. Weby tdk berani sedikitpun melirik Raja yg jg berada di ruangan bersamanya. Sejujurnya, sampai kapanpun Weby tdk merasa pernah siap menghadapi situasi seperti ini, tdk bersalah namun sudah seperti perempuan yg divonis bersalah akibat 'pekerjaan' manusia lain sebelumnya. Larangan berhubungan antara weby dan Raja yg telah berjalan hampir dua tahun belakangan ini, tanpa sadar telah menjelma, melekat dan kadang menjadikan weby perempuan yg menilai dirinya sendiri kecil dan rendah, merasa seperti racun keluarga Raja yg tdk seharusnya ada, merasa lahir dari rahim yg salah, besar dan hidup di kota yg salah, punya masa lalu yg salah, dan memiliki hati yg jatuh cinta pada lelaki yg salah, yaitu Raja, anak lelaki satu-satunya mereka, yg telah memutuskan sendiri utk menikahi weby bulan depan, dengan segala resiko apapun yg akan terjadi.

Namun, inilah saatnya weby harus mengakhiri kelelahan mental yg dirasakan selama ini. Kelelahan weby yg selalu berusaha mengajak Raja utk menyerah, kelelahan memerangi kesedihan krn tdk punya kekuatan utk memundurkan waktu ke masa weby blm bertemu Raja, kelelahan utk selalu berdoa agar Tuhan melenyapkan saja rasa indah yg dimiliki Raja dan weby, kelelahan menyesali bahwa weby tdk lahir dari rahim seorang ibu bersuku dan beragama yg sama dgn Raja, kelelahan bertanya mengapa Raja harus mengalami masa lalu yg pahit dan membekas dihati orangtuanya.

Weby melihat bibir ayah raja bergerak2 mengucapkan kalimat2 yang sudah sering weby bayangkan di alam pikirannya. Hampir setiap kata yg keluar dari bibir beliau bisa weby ikuti layaknya sebuah film yg telah weby tonton berulang2. Weby tau ayah Raja akan berkalimat seperti ucapan2 yg weby dengar hari ini.

Suara ayah terdengar bijak dan pelan. 'Weby, terima kasih sudah datang bertemu kami. Namun maaf, saya sebagai ayah Raja tetap tidak dapat menyetujui Raja menikahi kamu. Itu sudah keputusan kami, jika kalian tetap menikah, silahkan Raja keluar dari keluarga kami. Namun jika kami bisa meminta bantuan kamu kali ini, tinggalkan anak saya dan pilihlah pria lain untuk masa depan kamu. Tolong hormati permintaan ini'.

Terdengar kepiluan yg teramat dalam terselip di suara bariton ayah Raja. Semua terdiam, Weby tertunduk. Permintaan yg sangat tidak bisa ditolak weby. 'Andai saja semua semudah itu, ayah, pasti sudah aku lakukan sejak dulu sekali' bisik weby sedih dalam hatinya.

Terlihat Raja beranjak dari duduknya, meraih tangan weby dan berniat membawa weby keluar dari ruangan itu. Namun weby tidak bergeming, dia menatap Raja seakan meminta agar Raja tidak membawa nya pergi dulu. Raja memandang weby dengan tatapan khawatir, namun ia berangsur duduk kembali. Weby telah beritikad datang ke tempat itu utk pergi dengan membawa hasil. Setidaknya mengantongi hasil jalan tengah yg baik. Weby tau persis, kalimat2 ayah Raja tidak akan merubah keputusan Raja utk menikahi weby. Raja akan tetap dengan tekad nya keluar dari keluarga nya dengan terpaksa, dan itu akan kembali menghasilkan sakit luar biasa bagi ayah terlebih ibunya, lebih sakit dari rasa yg pernah ditoreh oleh pengalaman pahit Raja sebelumnya. Weby tidak ingin seperti itu, dan sudah jelas pula bahwa Raja pun akan merasakan sakit bahwa harus memilih satu diantara dua hal yg paling penting baginya. Weby yakin Raja pun tidak terlalu bahagia dengan keputusannya meninggalkan mereka. Orangtua yg luar biasa berperan bagi hidupnya dan telah dilukainya sejak bertahun-tahun lalu.

Weby memulai rangkaian kalimatnya dengan kata 'Terima kasih, ayah ibu'. Suaranya terdengar parau namun tatapan matanya memancarkan keyakinan, bahwa inilah satu-satunya kesempatan pertama dan terakhir utk melakukan hal yg selama ini ingin weby lakukan.

'Saya menghargai permintaan ayah, mengerti kekhawatiran ayah bahwa Raja tidak akan bahagia jika menikahi saya. Paham atas ketakutan bahwa saya akan juga menyakiti Raja. Rasanya setiap ayah yg saya kenal pun akan melakukan hal yg sama. Menjauhkan anak dari luka adalah tugas setiap orang tua. Karenanya, saya yakin ayah melakukan ini krn luar biasa sayang dgn Raja. Dalam hal ini, saya benar2 ada dipihak ayah'. Weby menatap Raja sesaat, kemudian kembali berbicara ''Saya janji akan menuruti permintaan ayah, tapi maafkan jika rasanya saya tidak sanggup menuruti semuanya'. 'Maksud kamu?' tanya ayah Raja. 'Karena sayapun sangat tdk ingin Raja pergi dari keluarga ini, saya bersedia menolak menikah dgn Raja bulan depan. Tapi saya tidak mampu meninggalkannya. Ayah bisa saja melarang kami menikah, tapi sungguh, mustahil ayah bisa melarang kami saling menyayangi. Saya tdk mau blg iya sekarang lalu mengingkarinya nanti. Untuk itu, mohon kasih kesempatan saya bahagiakan Raja satu tahun lagi saja. Ijinkan kami bahagia sebentar saja, terima kami berhubungan secara terbuka, setelah itu jika tahun depan ayah ibu masih berfikiran yg sama seperti hari ini, saya akan mundur dan pergi selamanya dari Raja'

'Apa boleh, ayah, ibu? Karena sungguh saya tidak ingin pergi dari tempat ini dengan hasil yg saling menyakiti. Saya tdk ingin Raja menikah tanpa kehadiran ayah ibu, saya pun tidak ingin nantinya ayah ibu kehilangan cucu sekali lg. Saya yakin saat ini, kita berempat dalam ruang ini, menginginkan hal baik yg sama'.

Ayah tidak berkata-kata, wajahnya muram namun terpancar sedikit kelegaan bahwa hari ini tidak berakhir dengan duka dan kebencian seperti dugaan dia sebelumnya. Terlihat ibu Raja menahan tangisnya, weby mendekat dan mencium punggung tangan ibu. Ibu Raja memeluk weby erat dan mengangguk pelan dalam dekapan weby.

'Ayah ibu, terima kasih, ayah ibu akan lihat, saya janji tdk menuruti Raja menikahi saya dan janji akan membahagiakan Raja setahun lagi saja, terima kasih ayah ibu, atas kebaikan hati dan kesempatannya'.

Suasana hening beberapa saat. Saling disibuki dengan pikiran dikepala masing-masing. Weby melihat Raja sedang tertegun. Kemudian Weby berdiri dan meraih tangan Raja, mereka berdua berjalan meninggalkan ruangan dengan pikiran penuh harap, penuh dgn mimpi bahwa tidak sampai tahun depan, Raja dan Weby akan duduk kembali diruangan itu bersama ayah dan ibunya, dengan topik dan atmosfir yang jauh berbeda dari hari ini.

Raja memeluk weby saat mereka sudah berada didalam mobil. Weby berbisik lembut ditelinga kanan Raja 'Sabar ya... Let's show them our love the whole year.'

Raja tersenyum dan berkata haru 'U know Web, somehow I'm sure, before next year... that they will be the one who ask me to marry you...'

Weby melepas pelukannya, menatap Raja dan mengulurkan tangan utk bersalaman, kemudian tersenyum berkata 'Hello, I'm your doctor, I hv lots of medicines for you n family. So, what's your name, patient?'

(to be continued next year)

Finally

Finally i republished my blog which i closed since years ago. Thanks to all my motivators :D

But however, this blog is still lousy and under constructions (you have no idea how handicap i am in blog world), so this is the best i can do to make my blog good lookin' *chuckling.
And as a matter of fact the last june to november's writings are still uploading, and there are more postings the writer haven't posted yet ;)

If you feel gonna like it. Wait for awhile. I have to take some blogging course :(
Ow yeah, Freely send me messages will ya'?

Xoxo,
Me.

Writers Festival

Sagittarius

Sagittarians have a positive outlook on life, are full of enterprise, energy, versatility, adventurousness and eagerness to extend experience beyond the physically familiar. They enjoy travelling and exploration, the more so because their minds are constantly open to new dimensions of thought. They are basically ambitious and optimistic, and continue to be so even when their hopes are dashed. Their strongly idealistic natures can also suffer many disappointments without being affected. They are honorable, honest, trustworthy, truthful, generous and sincere, with a passion for justice. They are usually on the side of the underdog in society they will fight for any cause they believe to be just, and are prepared to be rebellious. They balance loyalty with independence.

Sagittarians are usually modest and are often religious, with a strong sense of morality, though they tend to overemphasize the ethical codes they follow and worship beliefs about God rather than God Himself. This means that, negatively, they regard rigid, unloving, intolerant adherence to ritual and conventional codes as more important than the truths they symbolize or embody. They sometimes pay lip service to religions and political parties in which they have ceased to believe because the outward forms satisfy them, yet they may not hesitate to switch allegiance in politics or change their system of belief if they see personal advantage to themselves in doing so.

They have both profound and widely ranging minds, equipped with foresight and good judgement, and they can be witty conversationalists. They love to initiate new projects (they make excellent researchers) and have an urge to understand conceptions that are new to them. they think rapidly, are intuitive and often original, but are better at adapting than inventing and are at their best when working with colleagues of other types of character that compliment their own. They are strong-willed and good at organizing, a combination that gives them the ability to bring any project they undertake to a successful conclusion. Their generosity can be balanced by their extreme care at handling their resources.

Sagittarians are ardent, sincere and straightforward in love, normally conventional and in control of their sexual natures. Yet if thwarted, they may easily allow their failure to embitter their whole lives or they may revenge themselves upon the opposite sex by becoming cynically promiscuous. They are more apt then the average to make an uncongenial alliance.

If their marriages are successful, they will be faithful spouses and indulgent parents; but their innate restlessness will inspire them to use even the most satisfying ménage as a base from which to set out on their travels. They need to fell free and are often faced with the choice of allowing their careers to take over their lives at the expense of the love of their spouse and family. Sagittarian women are the counterparts of their men; even if they have no career to rival their love, they find it difficult to express affection and may run the risk of being thought frigid.

In other personal relationships they are reliable, seldom betraying any trust given to them. They can, however, be impulsively angry and both male and female Sagittarians know how to be outspoken and exactly what expressions will hurt their adversaries most. On the other hand they are magnanimous in forgiving offenses and are responsible when looking after the elderly in the family.

Their gifts fit Sagittarians for a number of widely differing professions. They are natural teachers and philosophers with a talent for expounding the moral principles and laws which seem to explain the universe. This gift enables them to be successful churchmen on the one hand and scientists on the other. The law and politics also suit them, as does public service, social administration, public relations and advertising. Travel and exploration naturally appeal to such restless souls and, if their opportunities are limited, they may find something of travel and change of scene in the armed forces or through working as a travelling salesman. Others may make fine musicians and, in the days before automobiles, they were said to be successful at horse trading and all activities, including sporting ones, concerning horses. This has been translated in modern terms into an interest in cars and aircraft - and again with emphasis on the sporting side racing, rallying etc. They are said to make good sports coaches, but their tastes in this direction may lead them into imprudent gambling, though the gambling instinct may be sublimated by carrying it out professionally as a bookmaker.

The vices to which Sagittarians are prone are anger they tend to flare up over trifles; impatience - they want to rush every new project through immediately and demand too much of colleagues who cannot work at the pace they require; and scorn of the inadequacies of others while expecting fulsome recognition of their own efforts. They may in one sense deserve recognition, because in completing a major project they will sacrifice their health and family relationships; in their family's eyes they may merit condemnation.

They can be exacting, domineering and inconsiderate in the work place; and boastful, vulgar and extravagant in their private lives. Their restlessness, if excessive, can jeopardize more than their own stability. some Sagittarians risk becoming playboys, wasting their lives away in frivolous pursuits. Others can develop a moralizing, religious fanaticism or else turn into hypocrites, their inner prudishness disguised by an outward appearance of joviality. Another side of the religiosity which is a danger in Sagittarians is superstition.

Possible Health Concerns...

Sagittarius governs the hips, thighs and sacral area; subjects suffer from ailments of the hips and thighs and are liable to sciatica and rheumatism. An alleged deficiency of silicon in their physiques can give them poor skin, nails and hair.

As they are often sportsmen indulging in dangerous pursuits, they are prone to accidents which arise from these. The ancient astrologers mention falls from horses and hurts from them and other four-footed beasts. The taking of risks in other sports is a danger to the modern Sagittarian, and he is also liable to accidents with fire and heat.

LIKES

Traveling

getting to the heart of the matter

Freedom

Laws and meanings

the general 'feel' of things

DISLIKES

Off the wall theories

being tied down domestically

Being constrained

cooling your heels

bothered with details

----

PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS

As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Sagittarius you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

PROBLEM:  Others have no time for you as you are apt to have too many irons in the fire at any given time.

SOLUTION:  Be sure that you have a 'product' to match all the 'advertising' you do. Is it fact or is it fiction?

PROBLEM:  Others cease to confide in you or to take you seriously.

SOLUTION:  Try not to exaggerate or be contentious with others as this could be embarrassing if they feel you are not trustworthy.

PROBLEM:  Feeling lost and disillusioned.

SOLUTION:  Focus upon one thing that will satisfy you and work toward that point.

PROBLEM:  You seem anchored in one spot, unable to move forward.

SOLUTION: You should try to think more positive thoughts and set some short term goals that you can reach, then set more. In this way you will move ahead in your endeavors.

(taken from a web)

Virgo

Virgo is the only zodiacal sign represented by a female. It is sometimes thought of as a potentially creative girl, delicately lovely; sometimes as a somewhat older woman, intelligent but rather pedantic and spinsterish. The latter impression is sometimes confirmed by the Virgoan preciseness, refinement, fastidious love of cleanliness, hygiene and good order, conventionality and aristocratic attitude of reserve. They are usually observant, shrewd, critically inclined, judicious, patient, practical supporters of the status quo, and tend toward conservatism in all departments of life. On the surface they are emotionally cold, and sometimes this goes deeper, for their habit of suppressing their natural kindness may in the end cause it to atrophy, with the result that they shrink from committing themselves to friendship, make few relationships, and those they do make they are careful to keep superficial.

But the outward lack of feeling may, in some individuals born under this sign, conceal too much emotion, to which they are afraid of giving way because they do not trust others, nor do they have confidence in themselves and their judgments. This is because they are conscious of certain shortcomings in themselves of worldliness, of practicality, of sophistication and of outgoingness.

So they bring the art of self concealment to a high pitch, hiding their apprehensiveness about themselves and their often considerable sympathy with other people under a mantle of matter-of-factness and undemonstrative, quiet reserve. They are still waters that run deep. Yet in their unassuming, outwardly cheerful and agreeable fashion, they can be sensible, discreet, well spoken, wise and witty, with a good understanding of other people's problems which they can tackle with a practicality not always evident in their own personal relationships.

Both sexes have considerable charm and dignity, which make some male Virgoans appear effeminate when they are not. In marriage they can be genuinely affectionate, making good spouses and parents, but their love making is a perfection of technique rather than the expression of desire, and they must be careful not to mate with a partner whose sex drive requires a passion they cannot match.

They are intellectually enquiring, methodical and logical, studious and teachable. They combine mental ingenuity with the ability to produce a clear analysis of the most complicated problems. They have an excellent eye for detail but they may be so meticulous that they neglect larger issues. Also, although they are realists, they may slow down projects by being too exact.

They are practical with their hands, good technicians and have genuine inventive talents, Thoroughness, hard work and conscientiousness are their hallmarks, and they are such perfectionists that, if things go wrong, they are easily discouraged. Because of their ability to see every angle of a many-sided question, they are unhappy with abstract theorizing. Appreciating the many different points of view as they do, they find philosophical concepts difficult, and they vacillate and have no confidence in any conclusions at which they arrive.

With these qualities, they are better as subordinates than leaders. Responsibility irks them and they often lack the breadth of strategic vision that a leader needs Virgoans are essentially tacticians, admirable in the attainment of limited objectives. Their self distrust is something they project on to other people and tends to make them exacting employers, though in the demands they make on those under them they temper this attitude with justice. They have potential abilities in the arts, sciences and languages. Language especially they use correctly, clearly, consciously and formally, as grammarians and etymologists rather than for literary interests, yet they are likely to have a good memory for apt quotations. Although they are well suited for careers in machine drawing, surveying and similar occupations, they are better fitted for a job in a library or office than a workshop.

Their minds are such that they need the stimulus of practical problems to be solved rather than the mere routine or working to set specifications that need no thought. They are careful with money and their interest in statistics makes them excellent bookkeepers and accountants. They also make good editors, physicists and analytical chemists. They may also find success as welfare workers, ministering to those less fortunate than themselves. They can be doctors, nurses, psychologists, teachers, confidential secretaries, technologists, inspectors, musicians, critics, public speakers and writers especially of reference works such as dictionaries and encyclopedias. Both sexes have a deep interest in history, a feature recognized by astrological authorities for at least two hundred years. If they go in for a business career their shrewdness and analytical ingenuity could tempt them into dishonesty, though they usually have enough moral sense to resist temptation. Female Virgoans may find a career in fashion, for they have a flair for dress, in which they can be trend setters. In any profession they choose the natives of this sign readily assimilate new ideas, but always with caution, conserving what they consider worth keeping from the past. They love country life but are unlikely to make good farmers, unless they can contrive to carry out their work without outraging their sense of hygiene and cleanliness.

Their faults, as is usual with all zodiacal types, are the extremes of their virtues. Fastidious reticence and modesty become old-maidishness and persnicketiness; balanced criticism becomes carping and nagging; and concern for detail becomes overspecialization. Virgoans are liable to indecision in wider issues and this can become chronic, turning molehills of minor difficulties into Himalayas of crisis. Their prudence can become guile and their carefulness, turned in on themselves, can produce worriers and hypochondriacs.

Possible Health Concern

Virgo is said to govern the hands, abdomen, intestines, spleen and central nervous system. Illnesses to which its natives are prone include catarrh, cold, coughs, pleurisies, pneumonia and nervous instabilities. Their natures make them inclined to worry and this makes them vulnerable to stomach and bowel troubles, including colic and ulcers. Male Virgoans may have trouble with their sexual organs. Both sexes are strongly interested in drugs and esoteric cuisine and as their delicate stomachs require them to be careful about their diet, it is essential that they treat their fascination with exotic food with extreme care.

LIKES

Health foods

Lists

Hygiene

Order

Wholesomeness

DISLIKES

Hazards to health

Anything sordid

Sloppy workers

Squalor

Being uncertain

---

PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS

As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Virgo you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

Problem:  Finding yourself frequently alone and unable to keep friends for more than a few weeks.

Solution:  Try not to be argumentative over much and the constant criticism that Virgos give to their companions are not endearing qualities to have. Try to live and let live, they will love you for it.

Problem:  People tend to avoid making close contact with you.

Solution:  Being too preoccupied with health and making it a continual topic of conversation. Try to keep your tips and suggestions about health and health products to yourself unless asked for them.

Problem:  Dissatisfied with the way your life is turning out; no excitement or change to speak of.

Solution:  You may be restricting yourself by reducing your life to a set of theories and pigeon-holes. Try to express the positive by first asking yourself, Who or what are you serving; are you devoted or are you enslaved. Answer those questions and then start a new path that includes your true worth.

Problem:  You may feel that your life and your climb to success is a steep hill that you may never be able to scale.

Solution:  Try expressing the positive traits of your finely tuned analytical reasoning, employing the light touch with employees and coworkers, while expressing genuine concern for all; You will find those mountains turning into hills that you run right over.

(taken from a web)

Konsultasi Hati (part 3)

Jumat Ke-3

"Apa menurut pendapat Ibu ttg perempuan mandiri?" tanya Rena kpd Weby pagi itu.

Segala hal yg Weby pelajari ttg menjadi seorang Konsultan seakan hilang dari kepalanya. Biasanya 70% waktu konsultasi Weby dipakai utk mendengarkan pasiennya, sisanya adalah berbicara. Namun ini kebalikannya. Biasanya Weby hanya menggunakan kata2 ; mengapa demikian? apa perasaan anda sekarang? sudah berapa lama anda merasakannya? Lalu pasiennya akan terus berbicara melanjutkan ceritanya.

Namun, kali ini Weby tdk dpt mempertanyakan masalah yg dialami Rena, belum.

Sambil memikirkan strategi agar berhasil mendapatkan cerita2 'sakit' Rena, Weby pun menjawab pertanyaan2 Rena. "Mandiri menurutku sifat yg positif, tp utk perempuan, sifat mandiri bs jd berbalik negatif. Tidak semua aspek kehidupan 'ramah' dgn kemandirian perempuan. Laki2 misalnya, menyukai perempuan mandiri, tapi tdk utk mandiri terhadap laki2 tsb. Ibu rasa kamu cukup cerdas utk memahami hal itu. Dan satu lagi, pernikahan jg tdk bersahabat dgn perempuan mandiri. Banyak pernikahan pasienku gagal krn kemandirian perempuan" tutur Weby.

"Jadi, saran ibu apa kalau aku dan pasanganku ingin bahagia dan tdk gagal selamanya. Aku trmsk perempuan mandiri. Sangat mandiri." lanjut Rena. Weby tersenyum, ia senang akhirnya Rena mulai terbuka dgn masalahnya. Kemudian Weby menjawab, "Ada pe er buat kalian berdua, terutama kamu Rena. Paksa dirimu membutuhkan pasanganmu selalu, meskipun kamu bs melakukan hal-hal sendiri. Jangan biasakan diri tanpa kehadiran atau dukungan dia, meskipun kamu sdg kecewa padanya".

Rena tersenyum sinis, "Pintar sekali Ibu menjawabnya, apa sudah pernah Ibu praktekkan sendiri?" tanyanya tiba2. Weby terkejut mendengar pertanyaan tajam Rena. "Apa maksudmu?" balas Weby, dengan tidak senang.

"Ibu pasti mengerti nasihat2 yg selalu Ibu jual kepada pasien2 Ibu bukan? Kenapa tdk Ibu jual ke diri sendiri? Kenapa Ibu bangga terlalu mandiri dan tidak butuh siapapun? Kenapa Ibu meninggalkan lelaki yg Ibu butuhkan? Kenapa Ibu selalu pergi setiap ada lelaki yg ingin mencopot jiwa mandiri Ibu? Kenapa?" cecar Rena.

"Yg sakit jiwa diantara kita siapa Bu sebenarnya?! Asal anda tau, ayah saya lumpuh sejak ditinggal anda, Bu! Ibu bawa pergi juga anaknya, adik tiriku! Karena anda, aku tdk hidup normal, tdk punya Ibu dan ayah normal, tdk punya siapa2!" airmata Rena mulai meluap, mengiringi kata2 yg berebut keluar dari bibirnya.

Sambil beranjak berdiri dari duduknya, Rena berkata dgn suara tegas dan tenang "Ibu Weby, anda boleh saja sempurna dan terhormat bagi semua orang. Tapi bagi saya, Ibu hanyalah wanita yg sibuk mencari makna bahagia yg tdk pernah Ibu rasa. Banggalah terus dengan kemandirian yg luar biasa. Terima kasih Bu. Selamat pagi". Tanpa menunggu respon dari Weby, Rena pergi meninggalkan wanita itu yg terpaku layaknya batu. Tubuh, jiwa dan otak tidak bergerak, hanya jantungnya yg berdetak menghentak.

Sepertinya, sang wanita terhormat itu sedang dikuliti jubah kesempurnaannya, secara paksa.

(bersambung)

Konsultasi Hati (part 2)

Versi Rena :

Aku tidak suka perempuan didepanku. Terkesan anggun, matang, bijaksana, bahagia dan sempurna sbg wanita. Seperti yg ku dapati dari wacana2 berita di internet saat aku browsing. Aku baca semua buku2 dan artikelnya 3 bulan belakangan ini. Pemikirannya unik, melihat masalah dari sisi yg tdk terlihat. Pantas saja byk yg membutuhkannya. Namun aku tau yg tdk diketahui byk 'penggemar'nya. Perempuan ini pintar menyembunyikan jati diri sesungguhnya.

Pertemuan pertama minggu lalu dia berusaha menanyakan asal usul ku, aku menjawab sekenanya. Aku malah balik bertanya ttg pendapatnya thd berbagai hal. Dia menjawab tepat seperti apa yg sudah kutebak, aku sudah menyelami karakter dan ciri khas pemikirannya dari buku2 nya. Dari isi artikel2nya di majalah ataupun koran. Kurasa tdk ada yg bs menandingi kejelian analisa ku terhadap sosok ini.

Hari ini kedua kalinya aku datang ke ruang konsultasinya, aku memang membuat nya bersedia meluangkan waktu 2 jam setiap jumat. Aku punya misi tertentu dengan berpura2 menjadi pasiennya, aku ingin mengajarkan sesuatu padanya. Dendamku segera akan terbayar. Aku akan menyadarkannya bahwa dia telah pernah melakukan kesalahan besar. Bahwa dia, membuatku tdk memiliki seorang Ibu.

(bersambung)

Konsultasi Hati (part 1)

Versi Weby :

Aku suka perempuan ini. Kelihatan muda, easy going, mandiri, badung, ke-laki-lakian, namun pemikir berat dan super sensitif. Paradoks adalah kata yg cukup tepat utk menggambarkan kerumitan pola pikirnya. Profilnya mirip anakku, usianya juga sepantar 30 thn. Renatha adalah pasien baru ku yang kali kedua datang ke ruangan ini.

Unik, tidak seperti pasien lain ku yang biasanya berkonsultasi mengenai persoalan rumah tangganya. Rena malah datang dan menyampaikan keinginannya utk belajar dan diskusi mengenai segala hal denganku. Aku ingat ucapannya ketika dia datang pertama kali minggu lalu. “Ibu Weby, saya ingin belajar dan sharing pemikiran ttg segala hal. Saya sudah baca semua buku dan artikel Ibu, saya tau Ibu tidak punya banyak waktu, tapi jika Ibu mau, anggap saja saya pasien Ibu yg akan datang 2 jam setiap Jumat pagi mulai hari ini”.

Pertemuan pertama berlangsung seru, tidak ada tangis atau luapan emosi seperti jam-jam yang biasanya aku lalui dgn pasien lain. Rena banyak bertanya ttg pola pikir aku thd hal-hal yg dialaminya. Pertanyaan-pertanyaannya tajam dan to the point, persis seperti menginterogasi tersangka korupsi. Itu yang aku suka, bikin otak ku bergerak lincah mencerna maksud dibalik pertanyaan-pertanyaan Rena. Setelah 2 jam berlalu, kesimpulan hari pertama yang aku dapat : Perempuan ini sakit. Tapi tidak akan pernah bisa terima dianggap sakit. Aku putuskan utk membantunya dengan mengikuti ‘permainannya’.

(bersambung)

Wish I Still

They said

'Life is full of choices'

I said

'Cliche ...'

Why can't I choose

A Heart

Why can't I choose

The one

Ironic.

If only I could

To still love the past ...

Mistakes

Rightness

Faults

Aptness

They granted always there

Bestow me ;

A navigator

A guide

A remote controller

A conductor

To rule

To direct

To steer

To empower

This died heart

I wouldn't shut the love down

I would have kept the heart on

Don't

Do not ask me how much I strived.

If

only

I could ...

Ku Tunggu Paraf Tuhan

Weby menulis dalam gelap, satu-satunya cahaya dikamar hanya lampu blackberrynya. Jari-jarinya menari cepat, mulutnya bergerak-gerak tipis.

Tanpa jeda, tanpa pikir, tanpa suara.
21.9.112
21 kalimat ; 9 menit ; 112 kata
Weby tersenyum melihat hasil curhatnya ke Tuhan yg msh acak-acakan...

---
Gak mungkin ini omong kosong
Tuhan pasti serius
Kali ini gak boleh becanda!

Kau beri aku sosok itu,
Utk selamanya kan?
Bukan cuma seumur janin-janin diperut kan?
Bukan juga seusia buku-buku lelucon lama aku, dia, dan orang tua kami kan?
Buku-buku lelucon yg dulu dibeli di toko 'mimpi', utk disimpan sebentar dilemari kayu
Belum ada kerut, masih wangi dan baru
Hanya sesaat, direnggut lagi oleh penerbitnya.
Utk ditukar dgn label aneh lambang kesendirian dan kebodohan.

Jangan candai aku seperti itu, Tuhan
Mohonku serius-Mu
Terlalu indah
Terlalu ajaib
Terlalu menakjubkan

Kali ini, aku tak butuh buku-buku lelucon itu.
Aku tak butuh persetujuan manusia.
Aku hanya ingin memiliki yg Kau beri ini, selamanya.
Tanpa buku apapun
Tanpa stempel manapun,
Dan tanpa paraf siapapun,

Kecuali Tuhan.
---

Setelah membaca hasil tulisannya yg kedua kali, Weby mendesah pelan "hhhmmm... tinggal kasih judul" ...
Buku-buku Lelucon?
Mohonku seriusMu?
21.9.112?
atau,
Kutunggu Paraf Tuhan?