I will not make the same mistakes that she did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way she did
She fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of her
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of her
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of her
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of her
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before she point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in her eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of her
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of her
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of her
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of her
I am afraid
I watched her die
I heard she cry
Every night in her sleep
I was so young
She should have known better than to lean on me
She never thought of anyone else
She just saw her pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of her
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of her
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of her
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of her
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of her
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of her
I am afraid
Because of her
(By Kelly Clarkson, 2004)
October 3, 2010
September 18, 2010
Maju ke Belakang
Matamu ada didepan
Tapi selalu melihat ke belakang
Arahmu menuju ke hadapan
Tapi langkahmu bergerak mundur
Dadamu membusung ke masa datang
Tapi terjeruji beban masa lalu
Dagumu selalu mendongak
Tapi kepalamu tertunduk
Berani
Tapi takut
Angkuh
Tapi rapuh
Sanggup
Tapi menangis
Bermimpi baru
Tapi mengingat hal lalu
Coba pikirkan ulang
Sekali lg saja,
Renungkan sejenak
Berhenti dan jangan hanya slalu berteriak ;
'Peduli setan dgn yg lain!'
Tapi selalu melihat ke belakang
Arahmu menuju ke hadapan
Tapi langkahmu bergerak mundur
Dadamu membusung ke masa datang
Tapi terjeruji beban masa lalu
Dagumu selalu mendongak
Tapi kepalamu tertunduk
Berani
Tapi takut
Angkuh
Tapi rapuh
Sanggup
Tapi menangis
Bermimpi baru
Tapi mengingat hal lalu
Coba pikirkan ulang
Sekali lg saja,
Renungkan sejenak
Berhenti dan jangan hanya slalu berteriak ;
'Peduli setan dgn yg lain!'
September 2, 2010
cukup 2 kali
cukup 2 kali
untuk tau apa yg di lihat didepan
untuk jelas mengerti yg terjadi
bukan 1 kali,
tidak 3 kali,
cukup 2 kali.
menanti tanpa pasti
menunggu dengan hati
meratap hampanya janji
memohon jawaban yg mati
tak sadar muncul ngeri
ada yg harus disadari
saatnya merubah hari
cukup 2 kali
untuk mengerti apa yg telah terjadi.
juga sadari apa yg akan terjadi.
bukan 1 kali,
tidak 3 kali,
cukup 2 kali.
untuk tau apa yg di lihat didepan
untuk jelas mengerti yg terjadi
bukan 1 kali,
tidak 3 kali,
cukup 2 kali.
menanti tanpa pasti
menunggu dengan hati
meratap hampanya janji
memohon jawaban yg mati
tak sadar muncul ngeri
ada yg harus disadari
saatnya merubah hari
cukup 2 kali
untuk mengerti apa yg telah terjadi.
juga sadari apa yg akan terjadi.
bukan 1 kali,
tidak 3 kali,
cukup 2 kali.
Tenggelam
Mengapa harus tenggelam padahal bs berenang?
Yg dibutuhkan hanya kemauan utk tetap dipermukaan
Setelah itu tenaga utk bergerak sedikit
Jangan pasrah terbawa arus
Diam menuju tenggelam.
Terhenyaklah sebentar, bangun dari pingsan.
Pikirkan pelampung, cobalah lihat sekeliling.
Pasti ada sesuatu, pasti ada yg bantu.
Sadarlah sesaat, bangun dari mimpi.
Lakukan sesuatu.
Apapun.
Apapun.
Selain tenggelam.
Yg dibutuhkan hanya kemauan utk tetap dipermukaan
Setelah itu tenaga utk bergerak sedikit
Jangan pasrah terbawa arus
Diam menuju tenggelam.
Terhenyaklah sebentar, bangun dari pingsan.
Pikirkan pelampung, cobalah lihat sekeliling.
Pasti ada sesuatu, pasti ada yg bantu.
Sadarlah sesaat, bangun dari mimpi.
Lakukan sesuatu.
Apapun.
Apapun.
Selain tenggelam.
August 26, 2010
August 23, 2010
Otakku 'Kotak'
Buntu.
Tidak berfikir
Tidak mengalir
Tidak bergerak
Yg dilihat cuma satu
Yg dirasa hanya batu
Sampai kapan?
Lemahku, fokusku, prioritasku
Ingin kulubangi otakku
Biar tidak kotak
Tidak beku dan kaku.
Pikiri yg lain
Tawai yg lain
Tangisi yg lain
Rindui yg lain
Sebelum terpahat
Sebelum meng-arca
Sebelum terpatri
Tak terhapuskan.
Cukup 'kotak'i rasaku
Jangan otak-ku.
Tidak berfikir
Tidak mengalir
Tidak bergerak
Yg dilihat cuma satu
Yg dirasa hanya batu
Sampai kapan?
Lemahku, fokusku, prioritasku
Ingin kulubangi otakku
Biar tidak kotak
Tidak beku dan kaku.
Pikiri yg lain
Tawai yg lain
Tangisi yg lain
Rindui yg lain
Sebelum terpahat
Sebelum meng-arca
Sebelum terpatri
Tak terhapuskan.
Cukup 'kotak'i rasaku
Jangan otak-ku.
U know who I exactly am?
---
Aku lelah mengatur rasa
Aku cape slalu harus rapih hati
Genku kental dengan pemberontakan
Darahku bergolak berantakan
Tapi otakku penuh keteraturan
---
You know who I am?
An evil who push herself to be an angel
A stranger to my own surroundings
A girl who never fails passing through damages
Always smile after they beat me
Always shake their hands after they choke me
Always wash their feet after make dirties
Always clean all their life craps
Always eat their shitts.
I can't even hv a chance to create things they had threw to me
I must be perfect while they treated me perfect less.
They should fuckin' proud of me.
For the first time in my 32 years of life.
I yelled to myself ;
Pls Me, give yourself a BREAK !
Aku lelah mengatur rasa
Aku cape slalu harus rapih hati
Genku kental dengan pemberontakan
Darahku bergolak berantakan
Tapi otakku penuh keteraturan
---
You know who I am?
An evil who push herself to be an angel
A stranger to my own surroundings
A girl who never fails passing through damages
Always smile after they beat me
Always shake their hands after they choke me
Always wash their feet after make dirties
Always clean all their life craps
Always eat their shitts.
I can't even hv a chance to create things they had threw to me
I must be perfect while they treated me perfect less.
They should fuckin' proud of me.
For the first time in my 32 years of life.
I yelled to myself ;
Pls Me, give yourself a BREAK !
August 17, 2010
Bab yang Terlupa
16 Sept 2004
Malam itu, tepat satu hari setelah ulang tahun Weby yg ke 26. Diruang kos yg sempit, Weby membaca ulang kerangka tulisan yg sudah 1,5 bulan dibuatnya. Baru setengah dari sebuah novel kisah nyata.
Satu persatu dari 87 halaman itu dibuka ulang, tdk dicerna, hanya diperiksa saja ...
Bab 1
... tentang perceraian orangtua saat Weby berusia balita ...
Bab 2
... tentang kehidupan masa kanak2nya yg berpindah-pindah (bab ini paling sulit dikenang) ...
Bab 3
... tentang malam terjadinya pemerkosaan itu ...
Bab 4
... tentang pencarian ayah kandung nya yg hilang 12 thn lamanya ...
Bab 5
... tentang hari-hari dimana Weby menemani ayah memerangi kanker otak stadium akhir yg dideritanya ...
Bab 6
...
----
Perlahan airmatanya mengembang, tangannya mengepal, ia benci hasil tulisannya, sebuah novel yg sarat kerusakan. Tiba tiba, ia teringat sesuatu, bagian perjalanan hidupnya yg diharapkan menjadi satu-satunya bagian yg normal dan wajar.
Weby bergegas ke lemari tempat ia menyimpan rapi dokumen2 penting. Dia menjongkok untuk mencari selembar fotokopian buku nikah ibunda, Weby ingat ada 3 lembar dgn nama ayah yg berbeda. Dengan seksama ia mencari lembar yg tercantum nama ayah kandungnya.
Weby sedikit menahan nafas dan berdoa 'semoga ... semoga ... '.
Dibaca nya tanggal pernikahan yg tertera : 17 Mei 1978.
Sesaat ia menghitung sesuatu ... tdk sampai selesai, ia mendesah pelan.
Seketika Weby merasa dadanya sakit, tangisnya pecah. Harapan satu2nya dari bab yang terlupa, runtuh seketika. Weby bersimpuh terluka, entah yg keberapa kali dlm hidupnya.
Weby mengusap matanya beberapa kali, lalu memaksa tubuhnya berdiri sambil gemetar, kembali ke meja tempat ia menulis. Pikirannya mulai merangkai kalimat2 untuk diketik. Dengan sudut matanya, Weby sempatkan melirik sahabat setianya selama ini, ia menyalakannya, kemudian menghisapnya dalam-dalam ...
Malam itu, tepat satu hari setelah ulang tahun Weby yg ke 26. Diruang kos yg sempit, Weby membaca ulang kerangka tulisan yg sudah 1,5 bulan dibuatnya. Baru setengah dari sebuah novel kisah nyata.
Satu persatu dari 87 halaman itu dibuka ulang, tdk dicerna, hanya diperiksa saja ...
Bab 1
... tentang perceraian orangtua saat Weby berusia balita ...
Bab 2
... tentang kehidupan masa kanak2nya yg berpindah-pindah (bab ini paling sulit dikenang) ...
Bab 3
... tentang malam terjadinya pemerkosaan itu ...
Bab 4
... tentang pencarian ayah kandung nya yg hilang 12 thn lamanya ...
Bab 5
... tentang hari-hari dimana Weby menemani ayah memerangi kanker otak stadium akhir yg dideritanya ...
Bab 6
...
----
Perlahan airmatanya mengembang, tangannya mengepal, ia benci hasil tulisannya, sebuah novel yg sarat kerusakan. Tiba tiba, ia teringat sesuatu, bagian perjalanan hidupnya yg diharapkan menjadi satu-satunya bagian yg normal dan wajar.
Weby bergegas ke lemari tempat ia menyimpan rapi dokumen2 penting. Dia menjongkok untuk mencari selembar fotokopian buku nikah ibunda, Weby ingat ada 3 lembar dgn nama ayah yg berbeda. Dengan seksama ia mencari lembar yg tercantum nama ayah kandungnya.
Weby sedikit menahan nafas dan berdoa 'semoga ... semoga ... '.
Dibaca nya tanggal pernikahan yg tertera : 17 Mei 1978.
Sesaat ia menghitung sesuatu ... tdk sampai selesai, ia mendesah pelan.
Seketika Weby merasa dadanya sakit, tangisnya pecah. Harapan satu2nya dari bab yang terlupa, runtuh seketika. Weby bersimpuh terluka, entah yg keberapa kali dlm hidupnya.
Weby mengusap matanya beberapa kali, lalu memaksa tubuhnya berdiri sambil gemetar, kembali ke meja tempat ia menulis. Pikirannya mulai merangkai kalimat2 untuk diketik. Dengan sudut matanya, Weby sempatkan melirik sahabat setianya selama ini, ia menyalakannya, kemudian menghisapnya dalam-dalam ...
August 15, 2010
Tembak Mati Aku
Tepat di kepala
Tepat di jantung
Tepat di tengah mata
Kau yg putuskan
Jangan meleset
Ku akan berdiri diam
Sebagai targetmu
Tarik pelatuknya
Lurus
Keras
Tajam
Tiada lagi derita lebih lama
Tiada lagi penyesalan lebih panjang
Tiada lagi perkara lebih besar
Lupakan cara lain
Tiada cara lain
Kumohon ...
Tembak mati saja aku
Tembak mati aku
Tepat di jantung
Tepat di tengah mata
Kau yg putuskan
Jangan meleset
Ku akan berdiri diam
Sebagai targetmu
Tarik pelatuknya
Lurus
Keras
Tajam
Tiada lagi derita lebih lama
Tiada lagi penyesalan lebih panjang
Tiada lagi perkara lebih besar
Lupakan cara lain
Tiada cara lain
Kumohon ...
Tembak mati saja aku
Tembak mati aku
July 6, 2010
Another personality test result
From a website : http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
These are what a web machine said about me
My view on self:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of man I'm looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. But first you will give men hard times before you give a chance to enter your life.
My readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of a loveship:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
My views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for me:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do i view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What is my most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is mytrue self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
These are what a web machine said about me
My view on self:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of man I'm looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. But first you will give men hard times before you give a chance to enter your life.
My readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.
The seriousness of a loveship:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.
My views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.
The right job for me:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
How do i view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.
What is my most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.
Who is mytrue self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
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