The last couple of weeks doesn't fit for me
Always woke up in the middle of the night
With no reason
Exhausted

Indeed, I have no problems to be solved
Have no trouble
Have no mistake
Have no left behind

Everything ok
But the ok condition seems not fine for me
It doesn't suits me
Geez...

Heart Garden

Each moment, I found my heart for him is deeper and stronger
It going somewhere I never been dare to imagine,
even I believe it would be heaven.

There's also sometimes i feel like I hate watching my heart grows.
It grows and blows unconditionally,
unexpectedly...

You know God,
if my heart was a garden,
It just enough for having healthy plants and leafs,
I don't want them grow fastly until they have colorful flowers.

I don't want my garden having flowers..
I couldn't deal with any flowers in my beautiful garden!
You know why?
Because flower dies quickly,
they will perish after magnifying my garden.
and the fall flowers will messing the yard.
They will demand hard efforts.

Strong plants with green leafs, are just fine for my garden,
keep it this way my Lord..

I'll pray everyday that, what I've own in my heart garden now,
will be just like today forever.

If my heart as the garden
And the flowers as the nerves
May You myLord,
never give me and him, that nerve...
Nerve to avoiding the reality of what we were,..
and what we've already had before we met ... before these days life

Cos those past realities,
are what made us still together and not die...
for a longer time.

If You do love us, if You do love this weak couple.
Please... God,
Do not flowering our garden.

Tibetian Personality Test

I got an interesting site from internet today, some kinda personality test.
http://www.wordofmouthexperiment.com/dedpyhto/tests/tibetian/index.htm

I gave it a shot, and one of my tibetian personality test result is top 5 priorities in my life ;

1: FAMILY
2: PRIDE
3: CAREER
4: LOVE
5: MONEY

I find something weird here...
Why my number 1 priority (family), was so far away from my number 4 priority (love)?
Shouldn't they both related?
If I put my family above all, it is because there's love in family, right?

Does the result means, that family is excluded love?
And love is not in family?
Why the two-words is separated?
Can we build a family without love?

Maybe Tibetians were define a family as a responsibility of a person. They despiting the essence of a family, called love.
So if the person priority in life is family, it means the person is a responsible person, not a loving person.

These times my thoughts are 'love is family and family is love'
But what I conclusing here 'family is just a responsibility, not love'.

What if someone has the test result like below ;

1: LOVE
2: PRIDE
3: CAREER
4: FAMILY
5: MONEY

Is that mean the person with this test result, is a loving person with lack of responsibilities in family?
Hhmm, what an egoistic person he/she is ya?... Prioriting LOVE instead of FAMILY...

Do you believe this silly personality test?.. Well, I dont.

Whatta perfect-spend-time-plan,
with a perfect-last-minute-reason to be canceled to...

Why sometimes reality won't be -in love-couple's side?
Is it true that sometimes realities are so cruel for people like them,
hates what they felt and jealous to their tight happiness?

May this 'there is no choice' term, wouldn't last any longer.
May soon this sacrifice end.